After weeks of staying off social media, I decided to scroll through Facebook last night. It felt good to catch up on the latest stories and news—until I stumbled across a photo of two of my university friends. We were inseparable back in school, always together. But after graduation, communication faded, and now we only like each other’s posts or leave comments on pictures.
Sadly, this is the reality for many of us as we enter our 30s. There’s a well-known saying that friendship dies in our 30s, but is that really the case? Today, I’ll explore why friendships can feel tougher to maintain during this decade and what we can do to keep them alive.
Why Friendships Become Harder in Your 30s
There are many reasons why friendships can falter in our 30s, but here are two major ones that stand out to me.
First, many of us in our 30s are raising children who require a lot of attention. It’s not just about having kids—many of us have older children who are involved in numerous activities, from school events to sports and extracurriculars. This shift often means our focus moves away from socializing with friends and more towards meeting the needs of our children. While we expect the demands of parenting, we rarely realize how much time and energy it truly takes to raise kids, which can unintentionally leave little room for friendships.
Second, our careers take center stage. The 30s are when we really start diving into our professional lives, aiming for stability and growth. Many of us are working harder than ever to advance in our careers, build financial security, and lay a foundation for the future. This quest for success can sometimes trick us into thinking we don’t need to prioritize friendships. After all, we’re busy securing our future, right? However, this focus on career growth can lead to a situation where we end up with a lot of money and success but lack meaningful connections and friendships.
How to Maintain Friendships in Your 30s
The good news is, it’s not too late to nurture and strengthen your friendships. Whether you’re in your 30s now or soon approaching this stage, here are some practical tips to keep your friendships thriving:
1. Adjust Your Expectations for Friendships
As we grow older, friendships change, and that’s okay. You might not see your friends as often as you used to, but you can still appreciate them for who they are now. Focus on quality over quantity. A meaningful conversation every few months can be just as fulfilling as seeing someone regularly.
2. Make Time for Regular Catch-ups
Life gets busy, but it’s important to carve out time to catch up with friends. Whether it’s a quick phone call or a scheduled video chat, these check-ins can keep the bond strong. You don’t always need to meet in person to maintain a connection, technology makes it easier than ever to stay in touch.
3. Celebrate Friendships with Small Gestures
Friendships don’t always have to be about big events or expensive gifts. A thoughtful message, a simple gesture, or a small gift can show your friends that you care. Sometimes, just remembering their birthday or sending a quick voice memo with a fun memory can remind them that you’re thinking of them.
4. Visit Old Hangout Spots
One of the best ways to reconnect with old friends is to revisit the places where you made memories together. Whether it’s a favorite café, park, or local hangout, returning to these spots can spark nostalgia and rekindle your friendship. It’s never too late to enjoy the simple things you did together as kids.
5. Be Open to New Friendships
It’s also important to stay open to making new friends as you grow older. As life changes, so do your interests and circumstances. New people come into your life, and while they can’t replace old friends, they can add value to your social circle. Embrace the opportunity to connect with others who share your current interests.
6. Be Proactive in Keeping Friendships Alive
It’s easy to let friendships slip away if you don’t make an effort to keep them alive. Life is busy, but friendships require nurturing. Don’t wait for your friends to reach out first, make the effort yourself. A simple message to check in or plan a meet-up can make a huge difference.
7. Understand That Friendships Will Evolve
As we go through different life stages, it’s natural for friendships to evolve. Some friendships may become less frequent but more meaningful, while others may fade. Accepting that change is part of life can help you maintain peace and understanding in your relationships.
The Bottom Line
Friendships in your 30s can be challenging, but they don’t have to be a casualty of adulthood. By adjusting your expectations, making time for each other, and actively nurturing your relationships, you can keep your friendships strong. After all, these connections are worth the effort; don’t let the demands of life push them aside. Friendships are precious, and with a little intentionality, they can thrive at any age.
